I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
