Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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