Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize