Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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