Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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