Non-Jews are for practice
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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