How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I need a beard to bite.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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