he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
honey bunches of taint.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
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The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
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I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.