who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it