GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
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Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.