Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(915): View more from Texas

After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.

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(407): View more from Florida

I think I have a pornographic memory.

(954): View more from Florida

Don't you mean photographic?

(407): View more from Florida

No.

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(951): View more from California

I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

someone was throwing condoms at us.

(1-401): View more from Rhode Island

no, they just magically show up around you.

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These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Read it at the TFLN blog
(613): View more from Ontario

I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!

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(224): View more from Illinois

I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.

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(+46): View more from Sweden

I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.

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(585): View more from New York

He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.

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