she was so not down for the gang bang
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Sober January is a disaster.
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I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
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There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
its like you know when i get waxed