I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance