i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
