i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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