i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
