I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Do you still have your period?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
