He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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