oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
