My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
