Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
love makes seman taste better
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
