Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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