member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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