just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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