What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We need a shit load of segways right now
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
