i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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