Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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