is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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