I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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