We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
May the power of my ass compel you!!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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