I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize