If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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