My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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