if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
