Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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