You work out of a Hotel?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
