we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
