I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
40s are totally the cure
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
