i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
