you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
