Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
