Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
