Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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