It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
