her facebook's as public as her vagina
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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