So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
