pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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