Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
