i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
