remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
