I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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