Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Someone shit on the floor
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
