and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
