So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
