we have pet lesbian snakes
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
