Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
