I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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