he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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