Just cropdusted the office
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
