there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize