he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
