the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Panties = found
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
