can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
