We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
