I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
