Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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