Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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