I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
