Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
