I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
