Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
