You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
