and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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