we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
